After 4 weeks of watching sunrises and sunsets, breathing clean, fresh air, being woken by the rooster crowing and listening to birdsong all day, being surrounded by breathtaking natural beauty and doing exactly what I please in every moment of every day, I have come to the conclusion that I have been the victim of a gigantic con my entire life!
We are taught from early childhood to delay our gratification, to set our teeth and “grin and bear it” for a reward to be received at some future date. These rewards are mostly tangible “stuff”, which we are conned into believing that we need in order to be happy, in order to be acceptable. And so many of us become big, greedy babies, constantly demanding more-and-more, and bigger-and-better possessions to feed our ever-growing, insatiable hunger, none of which ever makes us feel really happy or acceptable and all of which is actually a vain attempt at filling the deep vacuum we feel inside. Of course, in order to afford the “stuff” (ie: to pay off the debt, which will actually never be paid off because we keep buying more stuff), we need to work even harder and longer than ever before. And so we find ourselves trapped, going round-and-round the hamster wheel of materialism, becoming exhausted, depressed and ultimately unfulfilled and very definitely “ungratified”!
Some other very enticing rewards we are conned into delaying our gratification for, are intangibles. These intangibles include: a sense that we are being somehow “noble” and doing “The Right Thing” by sacrificing our happiness for others, such as our family, our employees, the Company or simply, The World. Other intangible rewards are a sense of meeting (and exceeding) others’ expectations, “getting ahead” in the world, or the good old ego polishings associated with being “The Best” or “irreplaceable” or “climbing the ladder”. Somehow these rewards are even less satisfying than the tangible rewards and invariably lead to a sense of disillusionment or resentment, as our sacrifices can never be valued enough by those for whom we are doing the sacrificing, and the ego buffing just never seems to satisfy our deep hunger for love and recognition.
But, if not for some future gratification, why do we need to work? We are told that it is a way to make a contribution, a way to create meaning for ourselves. But I reckon that there are very few people for whom that really is the case. I think that most of us work because we believe it is expected of us and because we believe that we have to have money in order to buy the stuff we have been conditioned to believe we want and need. Most of that stuff would not be required if we were not trying to live up to some expected lifestyle measure or if we were not requiring to anaesthetize ourselves against, or compensate ourselves for, the pain and frustration of living a life that is not congruent with our deepest being; not congruent with our heartsong.
Living in this beautiful place I have realized that I actually really don’t need the fancy clothes, the car, the gym membership, the expensive entertainments, the overseas trips, the fine restaurant meals, the jewellery and all the other tangible and intangible trappings of “success”. Most of what I need is given absolutely free of charge by God and the rest is easily obtainable by spending a tiny fraction of what I thought I needed in order to survive in my previous life.
I just have to stop living my life in comparison to, and in competition with, others, and find my own measures of value, meaning and purpose. I have to find the courage to listen to my own heart and follow its calling. And, suddenly, a life of magnificent abundance ensues. Abundant health, abundant happiness, abundant time, meaning, connection and beauty.
I would like to suggest that we stop delaying our gratification. I think we have to IMMEDIATELY, AND IN EVERY SINGLE MOMENT, move toward that which we most love. Don’t delay it for even a second longer.
The trick is getting to the core of what it is that we love the most. I might think that what I love the most is beautiful possessions, more money, bigger and better toys, recognition, titles, status etc, but if I get really honest and become still and listen to my heart for a moment, I realise that what I most love is to feel connected: connected to God, connected to Nature, connected to others, connected to my Self. What I really want is to feel that there is real meaning and purpose in what I do and that I am making a real difference in someone’s life. I want to feel that the world will have been a better place for my having passed this way. No amount of “stuff” and no amount of ego buffing is ever going to provide me with this. The only way to find this is to go within and listen carefully to my heart. And then all I need is to have the courage to follow what my heart tells me to do.
I believe that each of us has a very special gift, a God-given purpose, which we have to contribute to the world. When we find this gift and start giving it, we will never, ever, ever have to work again. We will simply be playing – it will be effortless and fun and will give us a sense of meaning and purpose in every moment and true abundance will ensue.
Of course, I can hear you say: "All this is very easy for you, as you have the time and the space and the leisure to find your heartsong". But just a year ago I would have said that it was impossible for me to do what I have done, as I had FAR too many responsibilities and there was no way I could afford to leave my job, to move to the country and to spend 2 years finding my purpose. And yet…. Miraculously… Here I am!
Somehow, when I was ready to listen to my heart, the impossible became possible and the way miraculously appeared.
I definitely don’t have all the answers yet. But I am starting to discover some very interesting questions and I am starting to see a little more clearly and I’m DEFINITELY starting to have a lot more fun!
And so the journey continues…
Next: The Zen of Tree Popping
Friday, June 25, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Adapting to my new reality
Up till now I have spoken a lot about all the amazing and wonderful aspects of living my forest dream. And all of this remains true. However, for the sake of honesty and a balanced perspective, I have decided to report back on some of the difficulties I have been experiencing over the past few weeks.
I suppose the first, and least significant challenge, has to do with the lack of externally imposed structure, boundaries or sense of purpose. It is surprisingly difficult to decide what to do when faced with a completely empty day with nothing which one HAS to do, when one is accustomed to having the entire day mapped out in hectic activities, responsibilities and general busy-ness! Also, because we are really “off the beaten track”, it’s simply not realistic to jump into the pick-up at a moment’s notice and rush off to town to find some entertainment or distraction. We plan our trips to town so as to ensure that we don’t waste fuel and time and we always have a well-stocked pantry so that there is food for at least a month in case the river comes down in flood and we need to survive for a period of time without a visit to the supermarket. In any case, the town of Knysna is really small and does not offer big-city entertainments. However, I have started to discover the joys of vegetable gardening, baking, stargazing, walking with no destination in mind, photography and just simply chatting and connecting in front of the fire with new friends and my dear partner. Also, there is the odd excitement, such as a helicopter flip with the neighbour this morning and the need to rake the driveway of our 2ha property or pull up alien vegetation from time to time! So, this challenge is actually a minor one that I am starting to resolve for myself.
By far a bigger challenge is the nagging sense of discomfort I have that something HAS to go wrong soon. I guess that somewhere deep in my programming is a hidden belief that it’s just not permissible for humans to have this much happiness and freedom to do EXACTLY what they want in every moment. Somewhere, somehow, there has to be a payback. Could it be that I find it easier to believe in a reality that is an uphill toil rather than an easy, fun, relaxed reality?
This belief is also manifesting in a fear that I am, due to some external calamity or something I have forgotten about or miscalculated, going to have to leave here before I want to. It’s almost as if I can’t relax and fully enjoy this amazing place and experience because I am afraid that it will somehow be “taken away” from me or end abruptly before I am ready, or before I have fully experienced all I wish to experience. This is actually spoiling my enjoyment of this incredible reality I have worked so hard to create.
My dear Zingdad helped somewhat by reminding me that living this perfect, beautiful life in this incredible place is not what my journey is actually about. The journey is actually about following my heart toward my purpose. It is important to remember that this is a journey and NOT a destination. My life in this magnificent place is simply the current manifestation of that journey. It is absolutely guaranteed that we will not stay here forever and that things WILL change, even if only because we are currently renting this place and will soon start to build our own home on our own piece of land! If I attach myself to this place then I am guaranteed to experience pain and suffering when I have to leave. Change is inevitable.
Attachment causes suffering. I know this. And yet I keep feeling the temptation to attach myself to something external to myself. I suppose it’s because I have really cut myself adrift from all my previous ties. Even if I found them extremely constricting to my growth, they were comforting and provided a sense of being somehow anchored in the world. I have the most disconcerting feeling of lightness, of disconnectedness, of unreality. How surprising it is to discover how dependent and even, addicted, I have been to externally imposed structures, routines, expectations, restrictions and definitions of Self! It seems to be a frightening thing indeed to create ones own sense of Self with no external input. However, every time I try to create a routine, boundary or restriction in my new reality, I find myself kicking against it, despite my uncomfortable feelings of being adrift.
Perhaps it’s necessary to simply sit in the fire of these challenges for a while without rushing to try and find quick-fix solutions.
It has not escaped my attention that I could interpret all this as me creating problems simply because my life is so free of any real difficulties or challenges! However, I think a more appropriate interpretation would be that Zingdad and myself have created this reality without any real troubles or worries so that we can spend our time and energy focusing on our real journey toward Self instead on focusing on any perceived lack or difficulty that might serve as a distraction.
And, in the vast, magnificent stillness of this place, I detect the quiet unfolding of some new, and fragile, and infinitely precious thing within my heart.
And so the journey continues…
Next: The Big Con
I suppose the first, and least significant challenge, has to do with the lack of externally imposed structure, boundaries or sense of purpose. It is surprisingly difficult to decide what to do when faced with a completely empty day with nothing which one HAS to do, when one is accustomed to having the entire day mapped out in hectic activities, responsibilities and general busy-ness! Also, because we are really “off the beaten track”, it’s simply not realistic to jump into the pick-up at a moment’s notice and rush off to town to find some entertainment or distraction. We plan our trips to town so as to ensure that we don’t waste fuel and time and we always have a well-stocked pantry so that there is food for at least a month in case the river comes down in flood and we need to survive for a period of time without a visit to the supermarket. In any case, the town of Knysna is really small and does not offer big-city entertainments. However, I have started to discover the joys of vegetable gardening, baking, stargazing, walking with no destination in mind, photography and just simply chatting and connecting in front of the fire with new friends and my dear partner. Also, there is the odd excitement, such as a helicopter flip with the neighbour this morning and the need to rake the driveway of our 2ha property or pull up alien vegetation from time to time! So, this challenge is actually a minor one that I am starting to resolve for myself.
By far a bigger challenge is the nagging sense of discomfort I have that something HAS to go wrong soon. I guess that somewhere deep in my programming is a hidden belief that it’s just not permissible for humans to have this much happiness and freedom to do EXACTLY what they want in every moment. Somewhere, somehow, there has to be a payback. Could it be that I find it easier to believe in a reality that is an uphill toil rather than an easy, fun, relaxed reality?
This belief is also manifesting in a fear that I am, due to some external calamity or something I have forgotten about or miscalculated, going to have to leave here before I want to. It’s almost as if I can’t relax and fully enjoy this amazing place and experience because I am afraid that it will somehow be “taken away” from me or end abruptly before I am ready, or before I have fully experienced all I wish to experience. This is actually spoiling my enjoyment of this incredible reality I have worked so hard to create.
My dear Zingdad helped somewhat by reminding me that living this perfect, beautiful life in this incredible place is not what my journey is actually about. The journey is actually about following my heart toward my purpose. It is important to remember that this is a journey and NOT a destination. My life in this magnificent place is simply the current manifestation of that journey. It is absolutely guaranteed that we will not stay here forever and that things WILL change, even if only because we are currently renting this place and will soon start to build our own home on our own piece of land! If I attach myself to this place then I am guaranteed to experience pain and suffering when I have to leave. Change is inevitable.
Attachment causes suffering. I know this. And yet I keep feeling the temptation to attach myself to something external to myself. I suppose it’s because I have really cut myself adrift from all my previous ties. Even if I found them extremely constricting to my growth, they were comforting and provided a sense of being somehow anchored in the world. I have the most disconcerting feeling of lightness, of disconnectedness, of unreality. How surprising it is to discover how dependent and even, addicted, I have been to externally imposed structures, routines, expectations, restrictions and definitions of Self! It seems to be a frightening thing indeed to create ones own sense of Self with no external input. However, every time I try to create a routine, boundary or restriction in my new reality, I find myself kicking against it, despite my uncomfortable feelings of being adrift.
Perhaps it’s necessary to simply sit in the fire of these challenges for a while without rushing to try and find quick-fix solutions.
It has not escaped my attention that I could interpret all this as me creating problems simply because my life is so free of any real difficulties or challenges! However, I think a more appropriate interpretation would be that Zingdad and myself have created this reality without any real troubles or worries so that we can spend our time and energy focusing on our real journey toward Self instead on focusing on any perceived lack or difficulty that might serve as a distraction.
And, in the vast, magnificent stillness of this place, I detect the quiet unfolding of some new, and fragile, and infinitely precious thing within my heart.
And so the journey continues…
Next: The Big Con
Friday, June 4, 2010
The first 10 days in Paradise
What I love the most about living in the “wild”:
Being woken by the rooster crowing before dawn
Watching sunrise, sunset and Venus setting every day
The brilliance and exhilarating infinity of the stars
The unbelievable vastness of the silence
Spying with binoculars on the multitude of birds feeding on the fynbos
The overwhelming friendliness and helpfulness of small-town people
No rush hour traffic, no noise, no pollution, plenty of parking in town
Time and space to breathe, to think, to BE
Watching the ecstatic happiness of the dogs running at full speed for as long and as far as they wish
Falling into bed by 10pm, bone-weary from physical work
The breathtaking, heart-stopping beauty of this place
Leaving the doors open at night and feeling safe in a way I have never felt in the city in a cage of burglar bars
No car alarms going off in the middle of the night, no streetlights, no drunken revellers shambling past our house, no beggars, no city squalor, no ugliness anywhere
Driving in 4x4 up the bumpy, treacherous, incredibly beautiful, mountainous dirt road to our home
What takes some getting used to:
At night when the lights are out in the house it is irrelevant whether my eyes are open or closed – the view is the same!
The fine dust that settles over everything regardless of how much I clean
The brown colour of the river water due to tannins and the funny “scum” it deposits round the rim of my teacup
The realization that we need to make sure there are “belts and braces” in place for everything we might need – a dramatically increased awareness of the need for self-sufficiency
No distractions - nothing I have to do and nowhere I have to be
In this place one is confronted with the reality of who you really are. There are no places to hide and you need to be very happy with your own company and with creating your own entertainments.
We spend most of the day watching the ever-unfolding beauty from our balcony. I’ve been taking countless photos but nothing can do justice to the spectacular beauty of this place.
However, below is a small selection:
The view from our balcony
God’s handiwork on display all day from our balcony
Sunrise over the swimming pool
Sunset over the distant mountains
Toasting the sunset
Our house
Our pick-up in front of the house
Zingdad and Zing collaborating on The Ascension Papers
The 2 blondes in my life, in the light of the setting sun
Zingdad in meditative frame of mind
Next: Adapting to my new reality
Being woken by the rooster crowing before dawn
Watching sunrise, sunset and Venus setting every day
The brilliance and exhilarating infinity of the stars
The unbelievable vastness of the silence
Spying with binoculars on the multitude of birds feeding on the fynbos
The overwhelming friendliness and helpfulness of small-town people
No rush hour traffic, no noise, no pollution, plenty of parking in town
Time and space to breathe, to think, to BE
Watching the ecstatic happiness of the dogs running at full speed for as long and as far as they wish
Falling into bed by 10pm, bone-weary from physical work
The breathtaking, heart-stopping beauty of this place
Leaving the doors open at night and feeling safe in a way I have never felt in the city in a cage of burglar bars
No car alarms going off in the middle of the night, no streetlights, no drunken revellers shambling past our house, no beggars, no city squalor, no ugliness anywhere
Driving in 4x4 up the bumpy, treacherous, incredibly beautiful, mountainous dirt road to our home
What takes some getting used to:
At night when the lights are out in the house it is irrelevant whether my eyes are open or closed – the view is the same!
The fine dust that settles over everything regardless of how much I clean
The brown colour of the river water due to tannins and the funny “scum” it deposits round the rim of my teacup
The realization that we need to make sure there are “belts and braces” in place for everything we might need – a dramatically increased awareness of the need for self-sufficiency
No distractions - nothing I have to do and nowhere I have to be
In this place one is confronted with the reality of who you really are. There are no places to hide and you need to be very happy with your own company and with creating your own entertainments.
We spend most of the day watching the ever-unfolding beauty from our balcony. I’ve been taking countless photos but nothing can do justice to the spectacular beauty of this place.
However, below is a small selection:
The view from our balcony
God’s handiwork on display all day from our balcony
Sunrise over the swimming pool
Sunset over the distant mountains
Toasting the sunset
Our house
Our pick-up in front of the house
Zingdad and Zing collaborating on The Ascension Papers
The 2 blondes in my life, in the light of the setting sun
Zingdad in meditative frame of mind
Next: Adapting to my new reality
Friday, May 21, 2010
Moving on
For me this is a time of endings, a time of nostalgia, a time for farewells.
My next blog posting will be written in our new rental forest home and between then and now lies a rather daunting to-do list, not to mention an exhausting list of concerns and anxieties about the move. We’re not just moving 500km away to a new town; we’re actually moving an eternity away to a whole new reality.
Suddenly, after all the months of talking about it and preparing for it, the time has finally come for us to start creating and living this new reality we have dreamed of for so long. Although there is a great deal of uncertainty and some fear about our new life, we have already mostly disconnected ourselves from our old life and we find ourselves in a rather unsettling place, betwixt and between.
As this weekend will be our very last in the city, we had planned to enjoy the best that city life has to offer. However, when we sat down to plan the weekend, we both realized that there was absolutely nothing we wanted to do other than stay home and cook a quiet meal, to be eaten amidst the piles of boxes. Just as well, I suppose. It would have been rather problematic if we still hankered after the city life.
However, there is still some attachment left to the old life. It’s quite amazing to discover how very closely I have identified myself with my home and I find myself experiencing periodic anxiety about whether the new owners will take good care of the pool, the garden and whether their furniture will look good in “my” home and worrying about whether they will repaint the walls which I so lovingly and painstakingly painted myself with specially selected textured paint. I know I have to relinquish my attachment to this house. I guess I’m really experiencing first-hand the suffering caused by what the Buddhists refer to as “attachment to form”. It’s been so interesting to note that every single possession I have released, from my home to my car to my clothing to my furniture etc was something that, once upon a time, I specially chose and loved very much. However, there comes a time when we have to release every last thing, including ideas and thought-forms and abstractions. And our attachment to those things, our identification of ourselves with those things, is what causes us pain and suffering.
I suppose mostly what I am having to let go of right now are the final vestiges of the previous ideas I had of myself; the go-getter, the yuppie, the “successful”, busy, upwardly mobile career person. I don’t really know who the new me is, but I need to create the space for her to come into being and the only way to do that is to finally discard all of the old.
I am suddenly acutely aware of the fact that I really am taking a leap into the complete unknown with only my heart to guide me home.
During the past few weeks, as I’ve said my final goodbyes to friends and family, I have been aware that several of these goodbyes will, in fact, be goodbye forever. My journey is taking me in a certain direction and I know that, despite their good intentions to visit, many will find that their own life journey simply makes this a remote possibility. So there’s been a lot of sadness and grieving for what was, but also a lot of reflection and many beautiful memories of journeys undertaken with some very special people.
So, now… here I am… standing on the edge of the cliff, with a very thin bungee cord attached to my ankles… waiting for the moment… heart pounding with excitement and a touch of fear….
Three, two, one… BUNGEEEEEEE…….
Next: First 10 days in Paradise
My next blog posting will be written in our new rental forest home and between then and now lies a rather daunting to-do list, not to mention an exhausting list of concerns and anxieties about the move. We’re not just moving 500km away to a new town; we’re actually moving an eternity away to a whole new reality.
Suddenly, after all the months of talking about it and preparing for it, the time has finally come for us to start creating and living this new reality we have dreamed of for so long. Although there is a great deal of uncertainty and some fear about our new life, we have already mostly disconnected ourselves from our old life and we find ourselves in a rather unsettling place, betwixt and between.
As this weekend will be our very last in the city, we had planned to enjoy the best that city life has to offer. However, when we sat down to plan the weekend, we both realized that there was absolutely nothing we wanted to do other than stay home and cook a quiet meal, to be eaten amidst the piles of boxes. Just as well, I suppose. It would have been rather problematic if we still hankered after the city life.
However, there is still some attachment left to the old life. It’s quite amazing to discover how very closely I have identified myself with my home and I find myself experiencing periodic anxiety about whether the new owners will take good care of the pool, the garden and whether their furniture will look good in “my” home and worrying about whether they will repaint the walls which I so lovingly and painstakingly painted myself with specially selected textured paint. I know I have to relinquish my attachment to this house. I guess I’m really experiencing first-hand the suffering caused by what the Buddhists refer to as “attachment to form”. It’s been so interesting to note that every single possession I have released, from my home to my car to my clothing to my furniture etc was something that, once upon a time, I specially chose and loved very much. However, there comes a time when we have to release every last thing, including ideas and thought-forms and abstractions. And our attachment to those things, our identification of ourselves with those things, is what causes us pain and suffering.
I suppose mostly what I am having to let go of right now are the final vestiges of the previous ideas I had of myself; the go-getter, the yuppie, the “successful”, busy, upwardly mobile career person. I don’t really know who the new me is, but I need to create the space for her to come into being and the only way to do that is to finally discard all of the old.
I am suddenly acutely aware of the fact that I really am taking a leap into the complete unknown with only my heart to guide me home.
During the past few weeks, as I’ve said my final goodbyes to friends and family, I have been aware that several of these goodbyes will, in fact, be goodbye forever. My journey is taking me in a certain direction and I know that, despite their good intentions to visit, many will find that their own life journey simply makes this a remote possibility. So there’s been a lot of sadness and grieving for what was, but also a lot of reflection and many beautiful memories of journeys undertaken with some very special people.
So, now… here I am… standing on the edge of the cliff, with a very thin bungee cord attached to my ankles… waiting for the moment… heart pounding with excitement and a touch of fear….
Three, two, one… BUNGEEEEEEE…….
Next: First 10 days in Paradise
Friday, May 14, 2010
"Eating Animals"
I’ve been struggling to complete this blog posting for over a month now. The main reason for this delay is that I have found it very difficult to describe my own experiences and choices without appearing to be either prescriptive or judgmental of the choices of others. So please read this posting in the knowledge that I am aware that I hold the truth for no one but myself. Also, please accept that my personal choices imply absolutely no judgment of the choices of others.
I’ve recently finished reading the book, “Eating Animals” by Jonathan Safran Foer (author of 2 previous books, which I enjoyed immensely: “Everything is Illuminated” and “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close”). Jonathan undertook the research, which eventually led to his writing this book, because he wanted to make informed decisions about the food he would choose to feed his infant son. Despite the fact that three years of intensive research into farming practices went into the writing of this book, I also undertook a personal mission to verify for myself, as far as possible, some of the practices described therein.
I have always had a terribly uncomfortable feeling about the keeping and slaughter of animals for human food and this was something that I hid from myself in order to continue partaking of all the foods I enjoyed - a dirty little secret that I avoided looking at. Now that I have the cold, hard facts about factory farming, I find that I am unable to justify for myself the continued consumption of most of these foods.
Although I have called myself a “vegetarian” for almost 3 years, I have still enjoyed the occasional seafood and I have continued to eat free-range eggs and r-BST free milk, cheese, butter and yogurt. After reading what is actually meant by factory-farmed “free-range” eggs I find that I am unable to give my permission to the cruelty involved. A simple e-mail to our retailer of choice clearly indicated to me that I am condoning the most horrific cruelty by eating even so-called “free-range eggs”. Try it. Ask your retailer exactly what is meant by free-range (specifically how much space each chicken actually has to walk around in and the life expectancy, health and holding conditions of even free-range chickens). Also ask what happens to the male chicks… When I discovered the sheer criminal wastage of so-called “by-catch” associated with modern fishing practices and the pollution and cruelty associated with fish farming, I found myself unable to partake of seafood any longer. It simply isn’t financially viable to farm in a more humane fashion, as we require ever-increasing amounts of food at relatively cheap prices.
But, as Safran Foer points out, I vote 3 times a day with my fork in favour of the continued cruelty associated with modern factory farming practices. Until I stop…
We are all, in the words of Wendell Berry, “farmers by proxy”. What am I prepared to condone in the name of “taste”? I agree with Safran Foer that it’s in EXTREMELY bad taste to torture animals in order to gratify my taste buds. I wonder how an advanced race of beings visiting our planet would experience the human race if they were to be shown the unbelievable cruelty and wastage associated with animal factory farming and slaughter?
But what do I do with this information I now have about farming practices? How does this affect my future food choices? Do I become a dreaded “food fascist”? And what do I do about my leather shoes, belts and jackets? Do I wear out the clothing I currently have and then purchase only made-made fabrics in future? But how about the destruction of natural habitats caused by the production of such synthetic fabrics and do I look deeply into the practices involved in the production of these products? Where do I draw my own personal line? Do I try and change the world by becoming an activist? Do I wish for THIS to become my life’s purpose?
Some of the things I can immediately do include searching for a local family farmer that can provide us with eggs and milk products that I can consume with a clear conscience. Certainly I will personally visit the farm and make sure that the animals are treated fairly and humanely. Until then I no longer eat eggs and I have severely limited my intake of milk products (alas, for me, cheese is the hardest thing to give up!) In the last few months I have discovered that it’s definitely not necessary to eat vast quantities of animal protein, as I have become increasingly aware of the multitude of beautiful, nutritious and absolutely delicious foods that are available to vegans. I have already, and continue to reduce my wasteful consumption of consumer goods. But, are these measures enough?
Eating food is an incredibly intimate thing to do - taking the body of another living being into my own body as a means to continually re-create myself. It stands to reason that each decision I take about every mouthful I take is a decision about how I wish to create myself. Here, in this moment, NOW, I decide who I will become in the future.
I am not advocating veganism, even though I think that I will probably end up making the choice to become a vegan myself (if I can possibly find a way to give up cheese, that is!) What I AM advocating is becoming conscious of how I vote with my fork (and with my wallet); to become consciously aware of every choice that I make. Then I think that I can allow myself some grace, some time to find alternatives to the food and other animal products I currently depend upon.
A commitment to being consciously aware and to continuously improve is what I have come up with for myself. I find that I can live with this... for now.
And so the journey continues…
Next: Moving on
I’ve recently finished reading the book, “Eating Animals” by Jonathan Safran Foer (author of 2 previous books, which I enjoyed immensely: “Everything is Illuminated” and “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close”). Jonathan undertook the research, which eventually led to his writing this book, because he wanted to make informed decisions about the food he would choose to feed his infant son. Despite the fact that three years of intensive research into farming practices went into the writing of this book, I also undertook a personal mission to verify for myself, as far as possible, some of the practices described therein.
I have always had a terribly uncomfortable feeling about the keeping and slaughter of animals for human food and this was something that I hid from myself in order to continue partaking of all the foods I enjoyed - a dirty little secret that I avoided looking at. Now that I have the cold, hard facts about factory farming, I find that I am unable to justify for myself the continued consumption of most of these foods.
Although I have called myself a “vegetarian” for almost 3 years, I have still enjoyed the occasional seafood and I have continued to eat free-range eggs and r-BST free milk, cheese, butter and yogurt. After reading what is actually meant by factory-farmed “free-range” eggs I find that I am unable to give my permission to the cruelty involved. A simple e-mail to our retailer of choice clearly indicated to me that I am condoning the most horrific cruelty by eating even so-called “free-range eggs”. Try it. Ask your retailer exactly what is meant by free-range (specifically how much space each chicken actually has to walk around in and the life expectancy, health and holding conditions of even free-range chickens). Also ask what happens to the male chicks… When I discovered the sheer criminal wastage of so-called “by-catch” associated with modern fishing practices and the pollution and cruelty associated with fish farming, I found myself unable to partake of seafood any longer. It simply isn’t financially viable to farm in a more humane fashion, as we require ever-increasing amounts of food at relatively cheap prices.
But, as Safran Foer points out, I vote 3 times a day with my fork in favour of the continued cruelty associated with modern factory farming practices. Until I stop…
We are all, in the words of Wendell Berry, “farmers by proxy”. What am I prepared to condone in the name of “taste”? I agree with Safran Foer that it’s in EXTREMELY bad taste to torture animals in order to gratify my taste buds. I wonder how an advanced race of beings visiting our planet would experience the human race if they were to be shown the unbelievable cruelty and wastage associated with animal factory farming and slaughter?
But what do I do with this information I now have about farming practices? How does this affect my future food choices? Do I become a dreaded “food fascist”? And what do I do about my leather shoes, belts and jackets? Do I wear out the clothing I currently have and then purchase only made-made fabrics in future? But how about the destruction of natural habitats caused by the production of such synthetic fabrics and do I look deeply into the practices involved in the production of these products? Where do I draw my own personal line? Do I try and change the world by becoming an activist? Do I wish for THIS to become my life’s purpose?
Some of the things I can immediately do include searching for a local family farmer that can provide us with eggs and milk products that I can consume with a clear conscience. Certainly I will personally visit the farm and make sure that the animals are treated fairly and humanely. Until then I no longer eat eggs and I have severely limited my intake of milk products (alas, for me, cheese is the hardest thing to give up!) In the last few months I have discovered that it’s definitely not necessary to eat vast quantities of animal protein, as I have become increasingly aware of the multitude of beautiful, nutritious and absolutely delicious foods that are available to vegans. I have already, and continue to reduce my wasteful consumption of consumer goods. But, are these measures enough?
Eating food is an incredibly intimate thing to do - taking the body of another living being into my own body as a means to continually re-create myself. It stands to reason that each decision I take about every mouthful I take is a decision about how I wish to create myself. Here, in this moment, NOW, I decide who I will become in the future.
I am not advocating veganism, even though I think that I will probably end up making the choice to become a vegan myself (if I can possibly find a way to give up cheese, that is!) What I AM advocating is becoming conscious of how I vote with my fork (and with my wallet); to become consciously aware of every choice that I make. Then I think that I can allow myself some grace, some time to find alternatives to the food and other animal products I currently depend upon.
A commitment to being consciously aware and to continuously improve is what I have come up with for myself. I find that I can live with this... for now.
And so the journey continues…
Next: Moving on
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Spiritual guidance
I have been rather resistant about writing the following blog posting. The main reason being that I know that several of my regular readers will find what I have to say rather “flaky”, to say the least, and may perhaps have some concerns for my sanity! However, I have undertaken to chronicle my ongoing journey toward discovering my life’s purpose and each week I write about that which is top of mind for me at the time of writing. And, after all, this is MY blog and I don’t compel anyone to continue reading it! So, here goes:
I have had quite a few people lately asking me versions of the following question, “But, Lisa, what is it that you DO all day?” I think this is mainly because I have always been such a busy, active do-er that it is difficult to comprehend that I have spent the last 4 months doing nothing much at all! However, these questions from friends and family, and my own uncertainty, have led to some anxiety and I have started to ask myself whether I have progressed at all in finding my life’s purpose, which is what I set out to do at the start of this adventure. As I was unable to answer this question with any degree of clarity or certainty, I decided to hold the question in my mind whilst meditating and specifically request input and assistance from my spiritual guide.
Until 3 or 4 years ago I had a guide called Elizabeth. She had a very warm, nurturing energy and she simply held me in her unconditional love until I was able to find love for myself. After this I became aware of a “changing of the guard” and I knew that Elizabeth had moved on to do other tasks, her work with me complete. I was assigned another guide about whom I knew very little. He had a far more “masculine”, sometimes rather intimidating, energy and I always experienced his presence as a vast cloud of intense blue light. I had a sense of immense integrity, clarity, truth and trustworthiness about my new guide. This was a far less personal relationship than the one I had enjoyed with Elizabeth and I was led to understand that this was a “grown-up guide for a maturing soul”. I haven’t really felt the need or the desire to find out more about my new guide during the past few years. However, my question about my life’s purpose led me to directly ask for his assistance for the first time this week. Below is the conversation that ensued.
Actually the conversation did not take place in words at all, but rather I was immediately presented with fully formulated concepts (some of which were rather surprising to me!) every time I held a question in my mind. I subsequently “translated” the concepts into words (losing a great deal of the richness and meaning in the translation, I might add). However, even the final version in words, below, offers a great deal of insight and value to my current situation.
Lisa: Am I “on course” in my life; am I doing what I am supposed to be doing?
Guide: Do we really need to regress to childhood again at this point?!
You KNOW that you are exactly where you should be and doing exactly what you should be doing. It is artifice and counter-productive to pretend that you don’t know. Life is not served by your acting small or ignorant.
Lisa: OK, I guess I do know, but it seems to be taking so long to find my life’s purpose. What is it that I need to be learning right now?
Guide: Patience and humility.
You are done with accomplishments for now. It is your partner’s turn to shine. You need to sit quietly in the ever-expanding knowledge of who you REALLY are without constantly feeling the need to remind everyone of who your ego thinks you are.
Lisa: But isn’t this a terrible waste of my talents and abilities?
Guide: Do you really believe that your greatest talents are associated with the personality, called Lisa? Your greatest talents lie in your BEING, not in Lisa’s DOING. In this lifetime you chose to have the potential to be or do anything you wanted. However, NOW you have to realize that your true value and worth have absolutely nothing to do with Lisa’s achievements, talents and potential.
You have been viewing the finding of your life’s purpose as yet another achievement to add to your long list!
That is why I tell you that, until you can sit quietly in the knowledge of who you truly are and relinquish your ceaseless hunger for achievement, affirmation and sense of accomplishment, you will not find your true life’s purpose.
Purpose can never be about ego. So, sit still and BE.
Lisa: OK, I accept all this because I know it to be true. But what should I DO in the meantime?
Guide: In every moment, ask yourself, “How best might I serve Life in this moment?” Then, do that.
Lisa: How will I know what that is? Sometimes I feel so alone. Will I receive help and guidance?
Guide: Again, this is the question of a spiritual child. You are fully aware that you receive absolutely all the assistance you require whenever you need it.
Well, I guess it couldn’t get much clearer that that! I can tell you that my ego didn’t like this conversation one little bit! My ego wants to have big and important and serious stuff to do and patience has always been one of my weaknesses. So, I guess that is exactly why I am in the perfect place right now to learn this lesson.
And so the journey continues…
I have had quite a few people lately asking me versions of the following question, “But, Lisa, what is it that you DO all day?” I think this is mainly because I have always been such a busy, active do-er that it is difficult to comprehend that I have spent the last 4 months doing nothing much at all! However, these questions from friends and family, and my own uncertainty, have led to some anxiety and I have started to ask myself whether I have progressed at all in finding my life’s purpose, which is what I set out to do at the start of this adventure. As I was unable to answer this question with any degree of clarity or certainty, I decided to hold the question in my mind whilst meditating and specifically request input and assistance from my spiritual guide.
Until 3 or 4 years ago I had a guide called Elizabeth. She had a very warm, nurturing energy and she simply held me in her unconditional love until I was able to find love for myself. After this I became aware of a “changing of the guard” and I knew that Elizabeth had moved on to do other tasks, her work with me complete. I was assigned another guide about whom I knew very little. He had a far more “masculine”, sometimes rather intimidating, energy and I always experienced his presence as a vast cloud of intense blue light. I had a sense of immense integrity, clarity, truth and trustworthiness about my new guide. This was a far less personal relationship than the one I had enjoyed with Elizabeth and I was led to understand that this was a “grown-up guide for a maturing soul”. I haven’t really felt the need or the desire to find out more about my new guide during the past few years. However, my question about my life’s purpose led me to directly ask for his assistance for the first time this week. Below is the conversation that ensued.
Actually the conversation did not take place in words at all, but rather I was immediately presented with fully formulated concepts (some of which were rather surprising to me!) every time I held a question in my mind. I subsequently “translated” the concepts into words (losing a great deal of the richness and meaning in the translation, I might add). However, even the final version in words, below, offers a great deal of insight and value to my current situation.
Lisa: Am I “on course” in my life; am I doing what I am supposed to be doing?
Guide: Do we really need to regress to childhood again at this point?!
You KNOW that you are exactly where you should be and doing exactly what you should be doing. It is artifice and counter-productive to pretend that you don’t know. Life is not served by your acting small or ignorant.
Lisa: OK, I guess I do know, but it seems to be taking so long to find my life’s purpose. What is it that I need to be learning right now?
Guide: Patience and humility.
You are done with accomplishments for now. It is your partner’s turn to shine. You need to sit quietly in the ever-expanding knowledge of who you REALLY are without constantly feeling the need to remind everyone of who your ego thinks you are.
Lisa: But isn’t this a terrible waste of my talents and abilities?
Guide: Do you really believe that your greatest talents are associated with the personality, called Lisa? Your greatest talents lie in your BEING, not in Lisa’s DOING. In this lifetime you chose to have the potential to be or do anything you wanted. However, NOW you have to realize that your true value and worth have absolutely nothing to do with Lisa’s achievements, talents and potential.
You have been viewing the finding of your life’s purpose as yet another achievement to add to your long list!
That is why I tell you that, until you can sit quietly in the knowledge of who you truly are and relinquish your ceaseless hunger for achievement, affirmation and sense of accomplishment, you will not find your true life’s purpose.
Purpose can never be about ego. So, sit still and BE.
Lisa: OK, I accept all this because I know it to be true. But what should I DO in the meantime?
Guide: In every moment, ask yourself, “How best might I serve Life in this moment?” Then, do that.
Lisa: How will I know what that is? Sometimes I feel so alone. Will I receive help and guidance?
Guide: Again, this is the question of a spiritual child. You are fully aware that you receive absolutely all the assistance you require whenever you need it.
Well, I guess it couldn’t get much clearer that that! I can tell you that my ego didn’t like this conversation one little bit! My ego wants to have big and important and serious stuff to do and patience has always been one of my weaknesses. So, I guess that is exactly why I am in the perfect place right now to learn this lesson.
And so the journey continues…
Friday, April 30, 2010
"Baboon Matters"
Yesterday afternoon as I stood frozen, scarcely daring to breathe, a huge alpha male baboon casually sauntered past, barely half a metre from my position! I had already watched the self-same individual engaged in a ferocious tree-top territory battle with another male, accompanied by blood-curdling screams and a barrage of pine cones and broken branches that rained down upon us as we stood watching, transfixed. I had never dreamed that I would get THAT close to a wild baboon troupe and be able to observe them in their natural habitat, engaging in their normal social (anti-social?!!) behaviour. This troupe are never fed by humans and have therefore not come to associate humans with food. However, due to the daily presence of the baboon monitors (more about these later), they have become habituated to human presence, hence their rather casual attitude to our being there.
My partner and I had heard about an organisation called, "Baboon Matters", which comprises a handful of volunteers working to raise awareness of the plight of baboons in South Africa. Baboon
Matters also do baboon rescue and rehabilitation, baboon troupe management, as well as training. The 2-hour walk with the troupe of Chacma baboons we did in Noordhoek on the Cape Peninsula accompanied by our trained guide, Mzukisi, is aimed at raising awareness and also assists in fund raising for the work of the organisation. Mzukisi started out as a "Baboon Monitor"
trained by the staff at Baboon Matters. The Monitors play a vital role in ensuring that the baboon troupes do not clash with the human inhabitants of various areas in the Cape Peninsula. The baboon troupes are followed by the monitors and are herded to safer areas using shouts, whistles and clapping if they get too close to human habitations. This minimises conflict between humans and baboons and ensures the ongoing survival of the troupes, which are protected in the Cape Peninsula.
As we will very shortly be living in the forests of Knysna, which are home to several wild baboon troupes, we had decided to educate ourselves about baboons so that we can find a way to live in harmony with the baboons we come into contact with. Mostly baboons are considered pests or vermin and are often shot by people living on the edges of their territory. Clearly this is just NOT an option for us and so we need to find other management strategies. I was particularly concerned about how to keep the baboons away from our vegetable garden, out of our home and also how to manage the interaction between our dogs and wild baboons. We were given loads of tips and ideas on how to manage our future interactions with baboons. The walk was an incredibly exciting, heartwarming and very educational experience, which I really recommend to anyone interested in a completely different wildlife experience.
Below are some photos:
This is my favourite!
Aint life great?
Oh no, what have I done!
Kids!
Mom's taxi
Maternal bliss
A mother's love
Yet another cutie
That feels SOOO good!!
Baboons spend hours carefully grooming each other to remove ticks and fleas
A group of baboons
Ho hum! Yet ANOTHER photo shoot!
The teenage years can be SO confusing!
Alpha male patrolling his territory
Mzukisi, the guide, and my own tame baboon
Next: Spiritual Guidance
My partner and I had heard about an organisation called, "Baboon Matters", which comprises a handful of volunteers working to raise awareness of the plight of baboons in South Africa. Baboon
Matters also do baboon rescue and rehabilitation, baboon troupe management, as well as training. The 2-hour walk with the troupe of Chacma baboons we did in Noordhoek on the Cape Peninsula accompanied by our trained guide, Mzukisi, is aimed at raising awareness and also assists in fund raising for the work of the organisation. Mzukisi started out as a "Baboon Monitor"
trained by the staff at Baboon Matters. The Monitors play a vital role in ensuring that the baboon troupes do not clash with the human inhabitants of various areas in the Cape Peninsula. The baboon troupes are followed by the monitors and are herded to safer areas using shouts, whistles and clapping if they get too close to human habitations. This minimises conflict between humans and baboons and ensures the ongoing survival of the troupes, which are protected in the Cape Peninsula.
As we will very shortly be living in the forests of Knysna, which are home to several wild baboon troupes, we had decided to educate ourselves about baboons so that we can find a way to live in harmony with the baboons we come into contact with. Mostly baboons are considered pests or vermin and are often shot by people living on the edges of their territory. Clearly this is just NOT an option for us and so we need to find other management strategies. I was particularly concerned about how to keep the baboons away from our vegetable garden, out of our home and also how to manage the interaction between our dogs and wild baboons. We were given loads of tips and ideas on how to manage our future interactions with baboons. The walk was an incredibly exciting, heartwarming and very educational experience, which I really recommend to anyone interested in a completely different wildlife experience.
Below are some photos:
This is my favourite!
Aint life great?
Oh no, what have I done!
Kids!
Mom's taxi
Maternal bliss
A mother's love
Yet another cutie
That feels SOOO good!!
Baboons spend hours carefully grooming each other to remove ticks and fleas
A group of baboons
Ho hum! Yet ANOTHER photo shoot!
The teenage years can be SO confusing!
Alpha male patrolling his territory
Mzukisi, the guide, and my own tame baboon
Next: Spiritual Guidance
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