Tuesday, December 29, 2009

My final goodbye to the corporate world

Finally, there is nothing left to do.

I have checked every file, every e-mail, and every paper document and handed everything over to the relevant people. I have trained, as far as possible, my successors. I have tried to ensure that there are no outstanding issues and that nothing will fall through the cracks once I have left.

I’ve had the big farewell lunch at the fabulous restaurant. I’ve made the speeches, written the farewell e-mails and letters; I’ve informed all my customers and distributors. I’ve said goodbye to all my colleagues.

And, suddenly… after all the frantic activity of the past few years, everything is very quiet. How strange to have absolutely nothing to do. To be whiling away these last few days in silent reverie and solitude, as my colleagues enjoy their well-deserved rest.

Despite knowing that this is what I must do, it’s been a painful process for me to, one-by-one, prise off my many ego attachments to this business, to the corporate world. After all, this was my perfect job. And, even though it is no longer appropriate for who I have become, it is still very difficult to release all the thoughts and ideas I had about it. After all, these ideas defined me for a very long time.

In the last few weeks it was painful for me to observe the business and the people moving on without me; to see meetings taking place to which I had not been invited; decisions being taken without my input. Of course it is absolutely right that this should happen, but it was definitely very stressful to experience it. For 5 years this job was my life and I put so much of my energy, my time and my passion into making it a success.

Now, as my Big Adventure starts, the very first question I am asking myself is:

Who am I as a human Being, as opposed to a human Doing?

Now that all the old motivators have been stripped away one-by-one, what will motivate me to get out of bed in the morning? I no longer have to prove myself to anyone. I don’t have to earn recognition or respect. I don’t have to think about creating wealth or acquiring possessions or increasing my status or power or rank. I don’t have to worry about budgets and profitability or whether I’ve taken the right decisions or whether my team is doing what they need to do. How will I occupy my time?!! Who am I without my title? Without my frantic need to occupy every minute of the day with purposeful activity?

Well, I guess I’m about to find out!

What I am really sure about is that I need to create some space in my life if I want to find my purpose. I need to release all of the old attachments and ideas so as to make space for the new. And perhaps it will take a while to discover the new and perhaps I’m going to have to have the courage to sit quietly in this space for some time before my soul begins to speak to me of my real purpose. I’m prepared to do that.

And, so the journey continues…

Next: On Letting Go

2 comments:

midgie12 said...

I hope that your new life brings you everything you dream and that you revel in just being.
"They say that I am crazy
My life wasting on this road
That time will find my dreams
Scared or dead or cold
But I heard there is a light
Drawing me to reach an end
And when I reach there, I'll turn back
And you and I can begin again
I've got 200 more miles of rain asphalt in line
Before I sleep.." (Cowboy Junkies)

Lynn said...

I am very proud of you and even more proud to call you my friend. May you continue to trust the universe as your journey unfolds...the answers will come when they are meant to come. Love you

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